i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
