I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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