It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
