I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
