I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
