So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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