You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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