I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
