My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
