i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
