whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
