whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How's work?
Spinning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
this must be what syphilis tastes like
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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