i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
