butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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