all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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