You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
