I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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