Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
