We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
