I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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