Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
