my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
