I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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