FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
