I'm really into asian looking animals
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
