I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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