i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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