u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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