His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
