Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
being pregnant is like rehab
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
