You can't special order awesome
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
