I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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