i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
