im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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