i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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