I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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