Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
