She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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