if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the day after is always just damage control
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so much tequila, so little girl.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
