My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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