Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
