Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
