Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
