i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
