i always forget guys have bellybuttons
this boner is exhausting
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
