You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
