Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
