you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
