He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
