Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Randomize
