Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
